he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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