remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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