you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
