Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
i need some magic done to my vagina
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
