There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
