their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
