best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You're like the curious george of whores
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
