Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
