apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
