ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
