Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
