Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
