next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
This is my gift to your gina
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
