Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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