she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
