If that was your dad, he is hot
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I need a beard to bite.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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