Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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