I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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