Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
