well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
