We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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