Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
