Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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