I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
