ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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