I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
