I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
