Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
