I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
