bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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