# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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