giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
