would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Randomize
