i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
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