This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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