Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
