my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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