i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
