well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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