You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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