Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
