Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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