so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
