I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
