Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
