do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
