I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
