Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
