There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
