I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
pray to the hookup gods
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
