...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
