I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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