I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
