she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Randomize
