Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
