So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
