i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
