look no pants
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
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