Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
