I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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