Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
