I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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