The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
