I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
